Archive for the “Humour” Category

Courtesy: Bad Vestments

H/T Big Blue Wave

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This is so relevant even in the Catholic Church today when there is so much abuse of episcopal and church authority by Bishops and the Professional Catholic class….

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “Okay , but don’t go in that field over there…..”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !”

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear……do you understand ?!!” The rancher nodded politely, apologized and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull…… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs…..

“Your badge, show him your BADGE…….. ! !”

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H/T Big Blue Wave

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One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse – a very long shot – won the race. Read the rest of this entry »

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The CCCB investigated allegations involving five such groups in Mexico. They concluded that the charges were “unfounded” and declared that CCODP was “cleared of suspicion”. Nevertheless, the bishops and CCODP launched a joint process of “renewal” for the organization, to be guided by the Pope’s social encyclical Caritas in Veritate.

I see the Catholic lapdog press wants to keep repeating the same old tired line.  How pathetic can they be when the evidence and the pictures from Mexico are staring them right in the face?  Hey, I just had a thought:  why doesn’t Fr. Rosica, CEO priest of our “Channel of Hope”, produce a documentary featuring the guy in the mask and ask him how the bucks from D&P has transformed his life?  I’m sure that would be one helluva production.  I pledge to buy 20 copies. 



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I was so  depressed last night thinking about the economy and everything crazy going on in my life.

I called the Suicide Hotline.

I got a call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was  suicidal.

They got all excited and asked  if I could drive a  truck…

I answered “no”.

They said they could still help if I just wore their special underwear.

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What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.

What’s the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don’t deliver!

Why doesn’t Hamilton have an professional hockey team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto?
A. None of them can play hockey.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell ‘Jesus Christ’.

How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.

What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows … And we may never find out.

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Received from a friend of Socon or Bust…
Sometime this year, Ontario taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus payment i.e HST rebate. This is a very exciting program from the Ontario government. I’ll explain it using the Q&A format:

Q.  What is Ontario’s Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money that the provincial government will send to taxpayers.

Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers.


Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen.


Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase consumer goods, for example a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the Ontario economy.


Q.  But isn’t that stimulating economies in Asia?
A.  Shut up or you don’t get your cheque.

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If a *conservative* is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a *liberal* is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a *conservative* doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a *liberal *doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

Read the rest of this entry »

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A Harley biker is visiting the zoo in Calgary, Alberta when he sees a little girl leaning into the bars of the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker without hesitation runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. Read the rest of this entry »

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My girls treated me like a King last night.  When people ask my wife and I if we want a boy, I tell them “Not really”.  I think to myself, “If you saw how my girls treated me and what kind of little women they have turned out to be, why would I want to stop a good thing from continuing?”  Besides someone has to be responsible for the next generation of pro-life, Catholic feminists.

p.s I got a copy of Ezra’s Shakedown too!

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Their situation is a common experience for large families.  Perfect strangers showing visible incredulity or disgust, intentionally making condescending remarks within earshot, or coming up and boldly asking inappropriate questions.  I should qualify my statement: It is a common experience for white families.  I doubt too many large black or Muslim families hear these remarks (although other things are probably said behind their backs).  I suspect that those who make such remarks are intimidated and angered that couples of their own generation, racial group and cultural background are not following the contemporary norm for families: 0, 1, 2 or 3 children.  The hypocrisy of this faned shock is that many of my generation grew up in large families or had relatives or friends who did.  We have such things before, often lived it firsthand.  We simply pretend it is foreign and unbelievable.

- Fr Elijah

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