What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.

What’s the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Why are the Toronto Maple Leafs like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don’t deliver!

Why doesn’t Hamilton have an professional hockey team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto?
A. None of them can play hockey.

What do you call 30 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A. The Toronto Maple Leafs.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell ‘Jesus Christ’.

How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal net.

What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?
A. A thief.

What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A. Nobody knows … And we may never find out.

If a *conservative* is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a *liberal* is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a *conservative* doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a *liberal *doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

Read the rest of this entry »

A Harley biker is visiting the zoo in Calgary, Alberta when he sees a little girl leaning into the bars of the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker without hesitation runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. Read the rest of this entry »

My girls treated me like a King last night.  When people ask my wife and I if we want a boy, I tell them “Not really”.  I think to myself, “If you saw how my girls treated me and what kind of little women they have turned out to be, why would I want to stop a good thing from continuing?”  Besides someone has to be responsible for the next generation of pro-life, Catholic feminists.

p.s I got a copy of Ezra’s Shakedown too!

Their situation is a common experience for large families.  Perfect strangers showing visible incredulity or disgust, intentionally making condescending remarks within earshot, or coming up and boldly asking inappropriate questions.  I should qualify my statement: It is a common experience for white families.  I doubt too many large black or Muslim families hear these remarks (although other things are probably said behind their backs).  I suspect that those who make such remarks are intimidated and angered that couples of their own generation, racial group and cultural background are not following the contemporary norm for families: 0, 1, 2 or 3 children.  The hypocrisy of this faned shock is that many of my generation grew up in large families or had relatives or friends who did.  We have such things before, often lived it firsthand.  We simply pretend it is foreign and unbelievable.

- Fr Elijah

“The wife has been on my case to get the Christmas lights up for a couple of weeks. They are up now but for some strange reason, she will not talk to me.”

Cool.

Cue the Banjo, Jethro…..

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes…

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes…

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain …

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain …

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes.

YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!!!!